A letter to my buried self.

To,

Which ever side it hits,

There can be so many views to it. And so many double meaning ones (imagine the laugh).

But, I am here talking about the things people call us or assume that we are and the things that don't get the attention because of the former.

Hey there " I want to be a writer" buddy,

I have so much talking to do but I will only skip to the main part because that's what I am here to acknowledge today. So just listen to me, okay?

Here is my heart out, as it is, unfiltered!

According to me, or I don't know if it's just me , but, when someone gives you a title, it is their way of seeing you. (well this time I am talking about the professional world, it was about time I think) I am not a designer, No, I am not. It doesn't matter what I have studied and which college am I in, what matters is what I want to do. I am from a designing background so I have this -not going away anywhere- label of a designer. But what if I don't want to be one? Well, it doesn't matter, does it? So I have allowed everyone to call me that or rather has just stopped bothering about what they call me. Because, whatever you do you are going to be judged. Oh yes, my friend you are. I think you are this smart to have judged that already. So yeah, getting back to my point why I too call myself a designer, it is because it makes everything so bloody easy. It does. I swear. You want to know how?

Let me help you, this is the thing that you don't want to be or don't want to be called so whatever judgments are attached to it wont bother you because deep down ( if you ever visit that part of you) you know you are not this. The only person who knows you are not this is you and which is why you are at peace because everyone is judging and commenting on what you don't like so you don't give a fuck and instead sometimes add a few things to that yourself, like " I don't think I am good enough for this" or " I don't know what I am doing with my life" and blah blah, what other options do you have? It's too late to change the label because c'mon you're already 20 something ( I just died a bit inside because I am so old already).

And now about the buried person inside you, who doesn't know you exist because c'mon you have never been very open about that fella, have you? (feeling claustrophobic because of the crowd by this guilt).

For me, I have never very openly spoken about what I want to do or what I actually want to be. But now that I am letting it out I would really hate for people to judge me on that because till the time I was being addressed as the one who is not very good at what she is doing ( read designing) it was okay because it didn't matter much. It's not that it didn't matter at all but I don't think it's ever going to mean as much as being commented about the thing I love. I mean dude, even I don't know how good/bad I am at it because this "chutiya duniya" never let me explore that field. Why I blame other people you ask? It is because I don't want me to be demoralized about this one thing at least which I so dearly adore and probably the only thing that I am passionate about. And why I think I am going to be demoralized or whatever is because it is the bloody fact, even Sachin Tendulkar has critics so who the fuck am I?

So I have gone with what others have to call me and in my defense I have stopped bothering about what anybody has to say about it because somewhere down the line I am going to work on the "What I actually want to be" part and who knows I might actually rock and no one is still going to be happy but, then again, who cares, at least I am happy and it's the least I deserve after all the "badnami" don't I?

Oh and yes, you do too.

From,

Your Overrated Flawed Self.